Punched in the Gut

Coming into 2017 I had hopes it would be a better year. 2016 was tumultuous sea for several personal reasons. This was to be a respite, a resting period at worst, or a period of building improvement at best.

Apparently, those desires and reality have misaligned. So far, 2017 has been almost gut wrenching. The latest blow was finding out an old friend, one I spent many hours in my youth having deep conversations with as we stumbled through the inquisitive mishaps tied to our coming of age, died suddenly. It was a rare form of aggressive cancer, and he was diagnosed late, so only a few weeks passed before he took his last, faltering breath, slipping into the ether for which we are all headed.

Penni, you are missed.

Coincidentally, I’ve been thinking about him off and on for years, but never could quite track him down. Life pulled us in different directions, but I felt that desire to at least catch up and see where he was at that point. Now I know that will never happen.

I feel selfish and stupid for being upset about that. Yet at the same time, I can’t help but think I should’ve and could’ve been a better friend. And I feel hurt that nobody thought to let me know the tragic news, perhaps assuming someone else had told me, or that I just knew.

It’s another potent reminder of the my mortal state. Life is precious, and I don’t want to waste it busying myself with things that matter little. Now is the time to live the life you want, to be who and what you want to be, not tomorrow.

With this happening, I can say I’m glad that I made the plunge into writing, despite all the difficulties. I have so many projects and books I want to complete, and I’m hard at work on one: the sequel to Gracie the Ghost Eater. It has the Goblin World, plenty of magic, the return of Mr. Jippers, and Gracie eats a banshee, plus far more. ┬áSo far, the book is an absolute blast to write. In fact, I haven’t had this much fun writing in an embarrassingly long time.

I guess you take the grief and pain with the joy and success.

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